“Deal of the Week” is an updated take on the horoscope column. Bad advice, worse poetry, every Monday.

Sugar settles in the belly and rots in belladonna throes for those who choose to bury themselves in gold; harsh I’ll admit it though the realistic nerves pinching your Achilles’ bite like all the demons in your paranoid web. You face the web and masturbate. Defeated you turn again, enter the weather for better or worse. You will meet great spirits, the fairies of the earth will kiss your feet and you will beg the Goddess for your life. You will cry out for Her glory from towers, waiting rooms, highway medians. Go to the mountains and see whether you are answered, or if you can hear the sky resting on your fingertips.