Franklin is a bad dog and frankly – he’s tearing this family apart.
It’s rare that a mascot is less interesting than the animal it represents, however the 76ers mascot Franklin is undeniably less fun, creative, or interesting than any dog painted blue.
Franklin, the dog was begrudgingly introduced to the public in 2015. But back in 2011, when the 76ers ditched Hip-Hop the rabbit – “Franklin Dogg” was pitched as a replacement. This means that the 76ers had four years to develop the concept of Franklin, and all they came up with was “a blue dog.”
Franklin Is Bad For Philadelphia
Philadelphia is home to the holy grail of mascots, the Phillie Phanatic is a classic treasure and a reminder of the glory days, and Gritty is a new-school representation of nihilism in a post-modern world. Meanwhile, Franklin has no personality, represents nothing, and is liked by no one.
You may be thinking to yourself – what about Swoop, the Eagles mascot?
Swoop sucks. However, it is far less of an issue that Swoop sucks because mascots don’t matter in football. There are no good NFL mascots because NFL games take place in mostly outdoor stadiums filled with the drunkest people in the world. How is anyone even going to find Swoop in a sea of green through one eye as the sun blares down on you on a 12 degree Philadelphia Sunday. You can hardly see Swoop.
NBA mascots on the other hand are visible throughout the entire game in an enclosed stadium during games where people are far less drunk.
When you attend a Phillies game, during the lulls in the game you’ll see the Phillie Phanatic having fun, dumping popcorn on people, and wiggling his belly. During a timeout at a Sixers game, what is Franklin doing? Either absolutely nothing or missing half court shots.
Franklin Is A Dog With No Tricks
I said earlier that Franklin has no personality, but on top of that – he has no signature move or style. Gritty is clinically depressed, we love that. The Phanatic kisses people and jiggles his belly, we love that. What does Franklin do? He is blue and that’s it, he does nothing else. I don’t even think Franklin dances, last night against the Suns – Franklin’s big move was to hold signs (something that regular fans do).
Go to Gritty’s twitter, it’s chaos. Meanwhile Franklin’s tweets are more reserved and lifeless than the actual 76ers account. Gritty is a viral sensation – despite only having tweeted 1,020 times and existing in the NHL (which no one cares about). Franklin, on the other hand has tweeted 5,000 more times than Gritty and never said a goddamn thing.
Franklin tweets like a 45 year old saying things like “Maxey is a problem.”
Perhaps Franklin’s least palatable trait is his humanity. When I look at Franklin, I see a man in a boring dog suit. Franklin’s posture is strong, he stands completely upright with his arms by his side like he’s bored and working at Best Buy. Franklin simply stands around and looks bored – which is not how a mascot is supposed to look.
It’s been nearly seven years and not a single Sixers fan has a memory of Franklin. It’s almost impossible to make a mascot or a dog less fun. It sincerely feels like Franklin has been designed to be as boring and inoffensive as possible.
Let’s Sacrifice Franklin
Things have been a little rocky since Franklin has joined the Sixers family. It’s been really hard for all of us since Jimmy left and Ben refused to see us anymore. I just think that Franklin, as a pet, represents something to this family that we need to move past.
This trade deadline would be a great time to drop Franklin off at farm upstate, to let him loose in the woods, or take him behind the shed Old Yeller-style. This family deserves a better pet than a blue dog.
I don’t care what the next thing is – just make it exciting. The Sixers old mascot Hip-Hop was awesome and potentially makes more sense in 2022 than in 2005. In 2022, the Super Bowl Halftime show features rappers and hip-hop is the biggest genre in the world. A hip-hop rabbit makes far more sense than a generic blue dog.
If you don’t want to sacrifice Franklin to resurrect Hip-Hop, then pick literally any animal or symbol and name it “Phil” for Philadelphia. We can have Phil the T-Rex, Phil the Walrus, or just a guy named Phil. It would be more interactive and exciting to hoist a giant lifeless stuffed animal whale named “Phil” than have Franklin. At least a lifeless doll would be unique and memorable, unlike the annoyance that is Franklin.
This season has been incredibly stressful for Sixers fans and many fans are hoping for Ben Simmons to be traded before the deadline. Perhaps getting rid of some dead weight (Franklin) will clear up some spiritual space for a deal to get done. Crazier things have happened and I haven’t seen any better reccommendations.