In today’s landscape of attempting to date, exhaustion is starting to run its course for single Philadelphians. Dating app fueled connections and social media profiles influence ideas of what one thinks they want, and seem to trump in-person connections more day by day. For some the process seems like a never ending cycle of meeting someone new online, getting excited about them, maybe meeting the individual in person, something doesn’t go well and then the cycle starts all over again. With the ease of the apps like Bumble, Hinge and Tinder, it has been difficult to determine who is serious about relationships, it’s difficult to determine if an individual really wants to foster a connection, or if someone is just engaging for the purposes of seeking no-frills pleasure or wasting another person’s time.
“The dating cycle, in my opinion, nowadays is a week or two weeks,” said Micheal, a Speed Dater at the Date Philadelphia Event.
On January 29th, Vanessa from Date Philadelphia hosted a Valentine’s Day themed speed dating event at the Frankford Beer Hall in Fishtown. The event was attended by over 130+ singles looking for good conversation and a possible connection. “Whether it’s something little or a lot, everyone here is looking for something and looking to get offline..”
“Some of the more common problems I’m seeing with the current singles dating scene is people being ghosted over text message, never making it off the dating apps, or it being intimating to talk to people outside the dating apps,” said Vanessa, Head of Operations at Date Philadelphia
Dating apps feel impersonal, they are quick conversations that aren’t organic. Time is wasted, toxicity can be present and morale can be brought to a new low.
For those yearning for that in person connection it seems almost impossible at times, but should be simple. A run in at the grocery store, a conversation struck up at a bookstore, meeting someone at a weekly running club, a Philadelphia sporting event, or even their local intramural HeyDay sports league. But these simple instances, just never seem to happen anymore.
“I believe because of the apps people have lost their social skills they don’t know how to connect anymore,” Stephanie, Speed Dater at the Date Philadelphia Event.
Stephanie continued by saying how the dating she has done recently, there’s been no effort put in, and other speed daters around her agreed. It’s the same dates over and over again and at the same places over and over again. People think that going on a date means we have to be in a relationship but thats just not the case.
“The dating scene is extremely difficult, I feel like the internet and social media plays a huge part, everyone’s looking for the next best option, it doesn’t give anyone the time of day to actually get to know you. My time is always wasted on the apps, so many people put up a front, looking for X, Y and Z. It’s hard for them to say they want a relationship, or they act like they do then freak out when it comes time for that conversation. People don’t have social skills either anymore,” said Haleigh, Speed Dater at Date Philadelphia
Even if a pair of individuals does make it off the apps for a first date, a significant amount of the time there is no connection, it often seems forced, said many of those attending the speed dating event. Additionally, various women attendees at the event relayed that a lot of the time, men’s first date is dinner at a restaurant or drinks at a bar. Outings that feel repetitive, drawn out, minimally creative and might not foster a good first connection.
“It’s tough sometimes because I feel like all my hobbies are girl hobbies and so it’s hard to find the other gender in the stuff I like to do, I don’t want to hang out at a bar. If I’m to set up a date I’d ideally like to go out to coffee or to go get a scoop of ice cream, something low stress,” said Alyssa, Speed dater, at Date Philadelphia Event.
According to Vanessa of Date Philadelphia, she believes a significant number of the young and middle aged single demographic in Philadelphia are reverting back to speed dating to attempt to meet someone in person. It’s safe, it’s in person, meeting new people or even new friends, and it is fun for all levels of readiness of people looking to date.
The process of the speed dating consisted of filling out short pamphlets with information about one another, which was followed by a one to 3 minutes of conversation, then moving onto the next person. But perhaps one of the most interesting parts was witnessing how a chain of conversation on one end of the table started a chain of conversation on another end of the table, and actually led to connections from people who weren’t even originally speaking with each other. Showing in real time how a good connection can be made.
Vanessa mentioned that there have been a number of success stories, even a close friend of hers that has attended previously met their partner through speed dating at one of her events. Moving forward Vanessa hopes that for people that are ready to meet their person in person that they consider DatePhiladelphia, as it’s “ a great fun environment to practice talking to strangers and making real connections.”
“I’ve tried other dating events before where everyone’s just mingling, and what ends up happening is everyone’s just standing around drinking, with the speed dating here, you’re talking to people and it’s a guaranteed conversation, even if it doesn’t go anywhere that’s your chance for that in person connection,” said Mike, Speed Dater at Date Philadelphia.
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